I feel very fortunate in my life to have such great women supporting me in my efforts to succeed in school, I have Ruthie, who without your help, who knows where Joshie would be, and the same goes for you Tami, your a God sent. Then I have the support of my lovely sister in law Alisha, and my aunt Charity, they are family members that I truely love dearly, and I couldnt do it without your support and lovely talks in the morning and at night. Then we have my mom....
I swear, I have NEVER EVER tried so hard to please another human being in my life!
I lost a marriage to trying to please her, I have gone practically insane because of her, and now, I have walked the fine line of, "I am going to down all the pills into this house, cause I cant stand her "!!!
I dont know if you all know this but I dont REALLY have much of a social life, whether its the lack of funds, or the lack of time, I DONT go out all that much. And if I do, its on someone elses dime.
It all started at 4 today, I was going to stay late at school to get HELP ON MY HOMEWORK, and I send a text to my mom about staying late, and being home around 7, and she says, "Dont be home any later than that", to that I said, FORGET IT, I will just go home, and figure it out myself.
I come home, and I get chewed out for a second time about MY ROOM, MY LITTLE AREA THAT I CALL MY OWN... I seriously cant handle it anymore. I am to the point I am about to explode!
There are house rules about, "Have your room cleaned by Friday, have the bathroom cleaned once a week, clean the dogs dung once a week... so on and so on... YET... I STILL get chewed out if its not done when SHE wants it done.
Lord in heaven above, PLEASE let me live to make it through school, and move the hell out of this house, FAR FAR FAR AWAY!!! Because if you dont, I will hang myself in the closet with my new belt from Torrid. I am SO DONE WITH THIS CRAP!!!
Thanks for listening to me rant,
Elaine
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Romance isn't all dead :)
What a weird weekend this was. I was hanging out with my friend Zack aftert school on Friday, he made me some awesome Risotto which I had never tried before, and I complimented it with some great marinated flank steak, if I DO say so myself.
I had been invited to go and see my friend Katie, which I hadnt seen in a while, and I almost didnt go, but I am sure glad I did now.
See, while we were there, and while I was being ignored, I had met this young, semi cute (just kidding) vet whom shall remain nameless for the time being, and he and I talked all night long. I didnt think much of it at all and I even tried to flirt with him, but in that non chelant (sp) way that I ever so subtley do... and well, lets say that at the 10th hour, we finally decided to go outside, and "chat" where no one with their stupid Karaoke voice would annoy us anymore, and we had fun, to say the least... We got made fun of by my dear friend Katie, but who cares.. right???
ANYWAYS... next day approaches.. I decide to say a good morning to the dear lad, and I ask him how he was feeling the next morning. We made plans to go and watch a movie, and that was pretty cool.. very sweet. He met me in Sandy, and we saw Arthur.. funny movie... but it was the little things that he did that totally made me believe that a man can really be sweet, and romantic.. like (and shut it if you think its lame) but he put his arm around me during the movie, which I thought was so sweet, and he got close enough to my hair that he smelled it, and I could tell. As he smelled it, I had this vision of how sweet old fashion type romances must have been... he then got close again just because, and he kissed my head... it was so sweet... I just wanted to stay in that seat, and never leave his side..
I will leave that story at just that.... there are some things that I think my "followers" need to know, and there are other details that I think are just not relevent to the purpose, which is, I was treated this weekend, the way I ALWAYS wanted to be treated... and to think, it might have not happend if I wouldnt have gone to see my friend Katie.
School has been ok.. midterms is over, THANK GOD!!! Homework blows, but what is new, and I am missing sleep like crazy.. The kids are good, like they always are, and I am stoked about softball season. I think me, my friend Amanda, Nancy, and Mikell will be on a team together, its gonna be awesome!!!
You know, (getting back to the emotional part to this blog) I would have never thought that I would have been treated the way I was this weekend, I just didnt think I could , let alone by a younger guy. Its weird I know, and Im dealing with it, but if this guy leaves, I tell you what.. I know what I want and how I want to be courted, treated by a man, thats for sure, and its sad that it took a younger guy to show me that. I guess there isnt a lot to be said about age.. it is just a number.
I think tonight, a good soak is called for, and going to bed around 11 is even MORE called for.
I guess in closing, I wanna say follow your dreams, and stay on the path that you set for yourself to follow, (hopefully its GODS path), and if there is a bump in the road, embrace it.. it could lead you down a path of love, prosperity, even wealth.. who knows, Just remember to keep your eyes on the big man upstairs... HE is the one who is ultimately in control right???
I had been invited to go and see my friend Katie, which I hadnt seen in a while, and I almost didnt go, but I am sure glad I did now.
See, while we were there, and while I was being ignored, I had met this young, semi cute (just kidding) vet whom shall remain nameless for the time being, and he and I talked all night long. I didnt think much of it at all and I even tried to flirt with him, but in that non chelant (sp) way that I ever so subtley do... and well, lets say that at the 10th hour, we finally decided to go outside, and "chat" where no one with their stupid Karaoke voice would annoy us anymore, and we had fun, to say the least... We got made fun of by my dear friend Katie, but who cares.. right???
ANYWAYS... next day approaches.. I decide to say a good morning to the dear lad, and I ask him how he was feeling the next morning. We made plans to go and watch a movie, and that was pretty cool.. very sweet. He met me in Sandy, and we saw Arthur.. funny movie... but it was the little things that he did that totally made me believe that a man can really be sweet, and romantic.. like (and shut it if you think its lame) but he put his arm around me during the movie, which I thought was so sweet, and he got close enough to my hair that he smelled it, and I could tell. As he smelled it, I had this vision of how sweet old fashion type romances must have been... he then got close again just because, and he kissed my head... it was so sweet... I just wanted to stay in that seat, and never leave his side..
I will leave that story at just that.... there are some things that I think my "followers" need to know, and there are other details that I think are just not relevent to the purpose, which is, I was treated this weekend, the way I ALWAYS wanted to be treated... and to think, it might have not happend if I wouldnt have gone to see my friend Katie.
School has been ok.. midterms is over, THANK GOD!!! Homework blows, but what is new, and I am missing sleep like crazy.. The kids are good, like they always are, and I am stoked about softball season. I think me, my friend Amanda, Nancy, and Mikell will be on a team together, its gonna be awesome!!!
You know, (getting back to the emotional part to this blog) I would have never thought that I would have been treated the way I was this weekend, I just didnt think I could , let alone by a younger guy. Its weird I know, and Im dealing with it, but if this guy leaves, I tell you what.. I know what I want and how I want to be courted, treated by a man, thats for sure, and its sad that it took a younger guy to show me that. I guess there isnt a lot to be said about age.. it is just a number.
I think tonight, a good soak is called for, and going to bed around 11 is even MORE called for.
I guess in closing, I wanna say follow your dreams, and stay on the path that you set for yourself to follow, (hopefully its GODS path), and if there is a bump in the road, embrace it.. it could lead you down a path of love, prosperity, even wealth.. who knows, Just remember to keep your eyes on the big man upstairs... HE is the one who is ultimately in control right???
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Heartbreak.. once again?
This week was very hard for me, I was having issues with a woman in my class, and that really messed with me this week. She taunted me about typing too loud on my laptop while typing the notes for class, and acusing me of being on Facebook as well, when not 2 days later, her partner next to her was doing the same thing, and she didnt say a word. THEN, on Wednesday, I had my debate, which was nerve wrecking. I couldnt talk for the first minute, and we lost, good thing she graded on research, and not by who won or not. I had a hard time today the most, I had the talk with Joe that I did NOT want to have. I told him that it was important for me to be true to myself, that it wasnt fair for either one of us to be together when I want way more then what he is emotionally capable of giving me right now. If he would have told me he wanted to be with me, the way I wanted, I would have stayed, hands down... after all, I still love him, and I did love him. I was feeling lately that my life is going down a path, one filled with promise not only for me but for my kids too, I WILL graduate and then I WILL get a great job, and I WILL buy a home, and I WILL be either engaged, or married in 4 years. In order to do this, I need to be right on all aspects of my life, and this was one thing I could not budge on any longer.
Tonight has been so hard. I find myself laying in bed, and crying, because I know that I could call him up right now, and tell him I take it all back, but then I would be in the same position I am right now, and as I started with in the beginning, I need to take these steps in my life in order to get to where I want to be, and right now, this "thing" I am in, just isnt right.
I must say, time with Joe wasnt bad at all, we had so much fun, riding quads, going to dinner, watching movies, and Fran.... I truely hope we can continue to talk. That is his mom, and I truely have love for that woman, she has been through so much, and I admire her dearly. Hanging out with Joe showed me exactly what I DO want, which is that companionship, and that love that a committed relationship gives, so I hope and pray that God brings that man into my life that I know is meant to complete me, after HIM of course.
Thank goodness this week is over.... well almost..
Elaine
Tonight has been so hard. I find myself laying in bed, and crying, because I know that I could call him up right now, and tell him I take it all back, but then I would be in the same position I am right now, and as I started with in the beginning, I need to take these steps in my life in order to get to where I want to be, and right now, this "thing" I am in, just isnt right.
I must say, time with Joe wasnt bad at all, we had so much fun, riding quads, going to dinner, watching movies, and Fran.... I truely hope we can continue to talk. That is his mom, and I truely have love for that woman, she has been through so much, and I admire her dearly. Hanging out with Joe showed me exactly what I DO want, which is that companionship, and that love that a committed relationship gives, so I hope and pray that God brings that man into my life that I know is meant to complete me, after HIM of course.
Thank goodness this week is over.... well almost..
Elaine
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