Heartbreak.. once again?

This week was very hard for me, I was having issues with a woman in my class, and that really messed with me this week. She taunted me about typing too loud on my laptop while typing the notes for class, and acusing me of being on Facebook as well, when not 2 days later, her partner next to her was doing the same thing, and she didnt say a word. THEN, on Wednesday, I had my debate, which was nerve wrecking. I couldnt talk for the first minute, and we lost, good thing she graded on research, and not by who won or not. I had a hard time today the most, I had the talk with Joe that I did NOT want to have. I told him that it was important for me to be true to myself, that it wasnt fair for either one of us to be together when I want way more then what he is emotionally capable of giving me right now. If he would have told me he wanted to be with me, the way I wanted, I would have stayed, hands down... after all, I still love him, and I did love him. I was feeling lately that my life is going down a path, one filled with promise not only for me but for my kids too, I WILL graduate and then I WILL get a great job, and I WILL buy a home, and I WILL be either engaged, or married in 4 years. In order to do this, I need to be right on all aspects of my life, and this was one thing I could not budge on any longer.
Tonight has been so hard. I find myself laying in bed, and crying, because I know that I could call him up right now, and tell him I take it all back, but then I would be in the same position I am right now, and as I started with in the beginning, I need to take these steps in my life in order to get to where I want to be, and right now, this "thing" I am in, just isnt right.
I must say, time with Joe wasnt bad at all, we had so much fun, riding quads, going to dinner, watching movies, and Fran.... I truely hope we can continue to talk. That is his mom, and I truely have love for that woman, she has been through so much, and I admire her dearly. Hanging out with Joe showed me exactly what I DO want, which is that companionship, and that love that a committed relationship gives, so I hope and pray that God brings that man into my life that I know is meant to complete me, after HIM of course.
Thank goodness this week is over.... well almost..

Elaine